LOVEEEEEE

Love you liek Crazy, promise not to let you go

I'm me.

I'm not the prettiest girl ever, not the girl with the best skin, not the skinniest girl ever. But I'm me so deal with it. I get crazy, I have problems, I'm Me. No One can change me, You can try, I don't need surgery to be pretty, all I need is a great personality, and thats what I have. LETSSSGGOOOOOOOOOOOOO

               ~AKB

Confused

I swear the more I talk to him, the more he confuses me. I'm so confused, i don't know If he likes me or not, like I swear,He has a girlfriend, and this other girl that he like, so Like I don't know what to do , or what to think... wow. CONFUSED!!!!

I Just want to be happy

I've been like really sad for these few months. Like maybe depressed. But not all the way depressed. I don't exactly know what's wrong with me. Like I just wanna be happy. I'm a very unhappy person right now. I don't wanna be drunken happy. Because after a while, when your sober, all the pain comes rushing back. And then you remember what made you sad in the first place. It's not like Im depressed all the time. Just when I'm home, or alone, or annoyed. I don't even think its my music or my phone anymore, I just feel like.. something. I don't want a boyfriend, because if they break my heart, it'll just be more sadness. I don't wanna be cutting happy. Sure it reduces the pain, but it brings more pain also. It's a very unexplainable process. Anyway I promised myself I'd stopped doing that. I need something. I dont know what I need. I just want to be happy. Why can't I be happy? I'm always annoyed at something for no reason. I really stopped caring about what I say to people and how I say it. Except my parents, I may yell at them, but I don't dare cuss at them. The only placed that calmed me down was a place I'm not allowed to go. It was this Empty parking lot, and it was like this stool. I just loved sitting there and being outside. I could cry there, but I had no reason. I was happy there. so I don't have that place anymore.. and then I had a slinky, Okay now that did work. But my first reflex when I'm mad it run outside or punch something. I usually forget about my slinky. This is actually one of the longest "post" i've every wrote for this blog. And it's not that I want to end my life. I'm not happy with it, but I want to live. Usually I drown myself in music.  I'm starting to hate the radio. And I've listen to all my CDs.. I mean I have my favorite people and all, But I don't always wanna listen to them. Not that I get tired of them.. I just want something different for that moment. And I've started crying a lot to. Maybe because I didn't get my way,(and I'm not a brat) or because I heard one measly evil comment. I've become super sensitive. And I'm not alone, I have plenty friends. I just don't feel the same way I did last year. Maybe I have to get more into the school year. And I'm not crazy, or yet maybe I am. but I'm not nuthouse crazy. But, you know. I have gone into depression once again. I will get out of this. It just never lasted this long. 

xoxo ~AKB

1st day of 8th grade!

Okay so today was my first day of 8th grade. We'll get to that later though. Rigth now lets talk about the other shit thats been  pissing me off. Yeah i knwo I don't usually cuss on my blog, but uh...Yeah. Maybe its because I dont have my phone that I have an additude. My Followers On twitter our dropping, I've been dissapointed alot for the past few days. And I'm irratated right now for pratcially no reason. I just am. Oh And I'm just.. annoyed. I wish I had a punching  bag. So I kinda like 8th grade. My bitchy friend Breiona decided she wasn't coming this year. She has a price to Pay. I got her though. So my other friends Janay and Alisha aren't in my class. So I Pretty Much only have Chris and Derrick. No girls to hang out with. I'm not angry. Just weirded out. I"ll try to be normal this year. but I don't have mty original people with me. I mean Breiona by that. I originally hang out with  Chris and Derrick.   haha 3.bp.blogspot.com/.../s400/annoyed+tweety.gif

Maybe I think too much....

Okay so maybe, I think too much, but hey I'm !3 and I turn 18 in less than five years, besides graduating , I  wanna accomplish some things. I wanna be an actress, singer and, dancer. YES!!! all of those things ar hard to get into. Which is why I started exploring my options, If none of those things work out (which I strongly doubt because of my strong determination), Then I need some back up options. Okay FIRST, I DO NOT WANT TO GO TO COLLEGE!!!!!!!!!!!!, maybe Thats a bad start, but hey, I'll already spend 13 years in school, I dont need extra, but if I aboslutely have too, well then. okay so i want to go to culinary school. or however you spell it. I would love to be a chef. Or a lawyer, I'm a pretty good defender and whatnot. Well whatever I become, I know I'll be happy!!!!! xoxo, ~AKB

Insecure

I'm feeling quite insecure, Why? Well it's my mother's fault. She's the one who got me insecure about my body. I'm 13, and my body doesn't look like it, thats one thing I hate. I wanna be a normal. 13 year, but my body has developed way too much. My mom was always bugging me about it. But I didn't pay her any attention. But know I can fit into a womans 7 and i feel horrible.