Am I still alive?

For most of you people this may be an easy answer, but for me, its the hardest question in the world. Okay, no I'm not dumb I know I'm alive, I'm writing this as we speak. But a serious question for me: where is my soul? I say the most reckless horrible(est) shit in the world, and then when people call me a whore, I don't think to cry I think to kill. Okay, lets get this out of the way; I am a fourteen old virgin and I never sucked dick or jacked someone else off in my life. But you know..... people start getting on my nerves, I say shit like "the blacker the person the sweeter the cum" or like "there will never be too many dicks". You might think, 'how the hell do people get on your nerves and you say THAT'. Well, first lets just say, I have a very negative mind and when people say shit, I go off. Anyway, I say a lot of things that I shouldn't say, and it wasn't meant to say. It just comes out. Now I'm being called a whore and I feel like hitting the dumbass people with a steel pole. (See Listen) I"m imagining killing a person and I don't think that''s good, but truthfully I think thats how I am. I really think I'm gonna kill someone someday, but I only got a month and 1/2 of this school left. So when I do get out of the school, I will clean my act up and I will stop saying what I do. Maybe then I can regain my soul and become happy again. But until thennnn.

                                                                                      xoxo ~Desi Alexus

I'm ready to chew you up and spit you back out, And i kinda wanna hear you fricking scream loud but nobody can hear you where is the crowd? Now i got you on the ground, what you gonna do cant scream for help its just me and you, got my knife out and my blades sharp, its a good day its kinda dark, but i can still see you and im ready to kill, keep talking and i will,